How I can make my family more open minded to Islam?

 

I received this question the other day and I thought the answer might be of benefit.

I am recent convert to Islam and I'm writing you today
to ask you advice on how I can make my family more open minded to Islam
and see it for what it is and not what they see in the media.
They barely talk to me anymore and now a days even my mom throws
negative remarks my way
It pains me so much that they don't see Islam’s message and beauty.
Well the approach I have taken with them is showing that Islam’s  main
fate is to believe that there is only one god and no other above it and
so many other analogies that if I explain them I will never end this
email.

Well that's all for me today I hope that you can provide your great
knowledge on this one
From a sister that seeks help
Thank you,

 

As salam alaikum,

All Praise is due to Allah, who has guided you to this noble and blessed religion of Islam.
May His peace and blessing be upon the final messenger Mohammed, his family and followers. Ameem.

First you should take heart from the fact that such trials and test have been faced by the Prophets and Messengers also. Look at the story of Prophet Ibrahim that is so much in our hearts and minds over these days of Hajj. When he tried to teach his father about the truth of Allah's oneness, his father threatened him with death if he did not stop. Also the Prophet Mohammed's own uncles and tribe rejected him. In fact one of his strongest enemies was Abu Lahab, who was a relative.
So this type of difficulty is to be expected, and inshallah (God willing) you could take this a sign that you are on the straight path.

There are a few things I recommend to new Muslims concerning their families.

The first is to take it easy. When you first become Muslim it is natural to feel full of enthusiasm and to feel that you want everyone to experience the wonderful feelings and knowledge that you are having right now. However, for others this only translates in their minds into a type of fanaticism. One thing that cannot be avoided is that fact that the truth of Islam is always going to be difficult for many people to accept simply because it contradicts much of what they have based their lives on.

Perhaps you should just get on with being a Muslim, and wait until they ask you questions. Act like being a Muslim is the most natural thing in the world (which in fact it is). Of course when they ask questions you can't be accused of shoving Islam down their throat.

When you do get to talk to them, don't make it too long, and make sure you talk about the most important issues, like the Oneness of Allah, and truth of the Quran and Prophethood of Mohammad.
Secondly, try to show Islam through your example, especially kind treatment of parents and good manners.

Thirdly, leave books and videos and DVDs lying around so that can read/watch . Choose subjects that you know they will be curious about.

Fourthly, refuse to compromise on essential matters that Allah has forbidden us from, like worshipping others than Allah, and participating in that, or drinking, serving, carrying etc…alcohol, or not wearing hijab when you need to. People generally do not admire or respect weakness. People will respect you in the end for standing up for what you believe, even if it is hard in the beginning.

Remember that Allah has more right to be feared, and all is in His hands, and life is a test to see how we will behave.

Having said that you should not compromise, you should not also be too strict in front of your family on matters that are not so important. For example you might like to eat with your fingers as the Prophet did, but if your parents expect you to eat with a knife and fork you should do that, because it is not forbidden to do that. These are just some examples.

Finally remember that Shaitaan is doing his best to cause hatred and enmity between us and to take us away from Allah's straight path. So take refuge with Allah, and always ask Him for help in every situation. Indeed He is the best protector and the best helper.

yours in Islam
Abdurraheem Green

Comments

[iMuslim]

Eid Mubarak ARG!

"People generally do not admire or respect weakness. People will respect you in the end for standing up for what you believe, even if it is hard in the beginning."

Subhanallah, that is so true. Weakness will not help any of us, but humility is good... sometimes it is difficult to know whether one is being humble or weak!

Wa'salam

[Unite Muslims]

yaallah, millions are starving and we're having building competitions!!!

Burj Dubai Tower and World's Tallest Building Competition
http://unitemuslims.blogspot.com/2007/01/burj-dubai-tower-and-worlds-tallest.html

Can't we do something to stop our oil drunk Arabs extravagance and channel these money to worthy causes like education, scientific research, charity etc.?

ARGcomment...."And you will see the barefooted bediouns competing with each other in building tall buildings!

[Fatima Barkatulla]

Sound advice. Insha Allah I will pass it on to someone I know who needs it: I met this girl last year at North Finchley mosque who was 17 years old and had been brought up as a Jain (which she described as being a mix between Buddhism and Hinduism). She had just accepted Islam and was asking lots of questions. I took her address and sent her some basic books and a tape and stuff. In reply she sent me a long and sad letter saying that her sister had found out she had embraced Islam and had threatened to tell her mum, so she herself very calmly, sat her mum down and told her. Her mum was furious and actually banned her from going out of the house without her. Her parents pulled her out of college and took her Qur'an and Islamic books (which she was using to help her pray with) away and her scarf. They pulled her out of college because they said that her Muslim friends at college were the ones who had influenced her into becoming a Muslim. She was really sad and feeling lost without her books.

I realised then how much I take my Islam for granted and the simple blessing of being able to practise Islam freely and I realised too, how Islam had been handed to me and many of us on a plate, and yet there were others out there, struggling, yearning and persevering to be able to practise Islam. May Allah bless them and give them strength and give them ease in their situation.

I contacted another sister who had had a similar experience to ask her what advice I should give. This sister had been a Christian Arab who converted through the efforts of her now husband who she had met and debated with at - yes - Speakers Corner! She told me how her parents had tried everything to stop her from staying a Muslim. Her mum had ended up in hospital and said that her conversion was making her ill...they too took her books except what she managed to hide and she used to pray in secret in the toilet! (She didn't know at the time that you shouldn't make salah in the toilet).

Her advice was similar to the advice you gave brother ARG, and she emphasised Salaah. She said that at this early stage when the girl's parents were not letting her practise anything, she should still secretly keep up her salaah with even the basic adhkaar that she knew of like: 'Subhan Allah' etc and the positions of salaah. (Because at that early stage she hadn't learnt verses of the Qur'an). She said that Salaah was what would get her through it, and patience and du'a as well. She recommended the du'as for one in anguish and danger from Hisn ul Muslim. She also recommended as you mentioned, treating parents kindly and gently and just persevering, eventually they would come round and Allah would find a way out for her. She also stressed the importance of moral support from other Muslims, even if it was by e-mail.

Alhamdulillah 'alaa ni'matil Islaam wa kafaa bihaa ni'mah
All Praise Be to Allah for the Blessing that is Islam, and it is enough as a Blessing.

[AnonyMouse]

Subhan’Allah, this is something I’ve actually seen in person… at my old Islamic centre (before my family and I moved to a tiny backwater city), we used to have a LOT of converts, masha’Allah… almost all of them experienced the same thing from their parents and other family members – rejection and hostility.
Al-Hamdulillaah, we had a sisters’ support group at the Islamic centre, so we managed to help them through it, and now their families have either accepted it, or are at least coming to terms with it.

Excellent advice, barakAllahu feek!

[may14muslima]

Brother Green,
As always a pleasure... of course having gone through this myself I understand the struggles. Good to hear suggestions again though. I think it is great advice not only for family, but for all of us to remember when showing Islam to all people. Remember the Qur'an, the Sunnah, and act in a manner that is conducive with that of the Prophet (SAW).

Many thanks, and du'a.
~sumayya

[hana]

assalamualikum

i have seen your speech live before.It was a very good speech halhamdulilah.i am writing to say that there is a story that happend during the tsunami that happend in december.and this came to my thought when i was just sitting down.the story is when the tsunami was about to begin the clock in the mosque stopped when it was exactly 8:30 and as soon as the clock stiked that time a big tsunami hit many countries, everything was destoyed nothing was in it's place,all the buildings including hindu temple christian church e.tc was destoyed but the only building that nothing happend to was the mosque the muslim mosque,the clock i mentioned about early was tikking away again,the people in the mosque were dead. i find that a proof of islam and if people thought about it i think they would think a lot diffrent about islam and maybe this could have been a start for them to think about islam, and i find it was a test from allah to see who would be bright to think this and look into islam.

thats what i think, it would be great if you could reply and write about what you think about this

aslaamualikum wa rahmatulahi wabarakatu

ARGcomment: there are many signs that are so great and there are in front of us every day, if only we too time to stop and think!